My son has ADHD. We’ve known this for awhile but we’ve been focusing on some of his other struggles over the past few years — hoping that in addressing those, he would get a handle on the attention component.
But since school started — it’s becoming more and more clear that he’s struggling to concentrate and struggling to hold it together. There are more demands in fourth grade. It’s harder. There’s more to do and it’s stressful.
For the first time we are seriously considering putting him on a stimulant. We’ve had mixed advice and the right route is cloudy. Will a stimulant make him more anxious? Or will it be just the ticket to help him succeed and have more control of his life?  It’s a hard decision for a parent to make.
Do you have a child with ADHD? How did you make the decision weather or not to medicate?

Today’s blog is written by my co-editor, Cheryl Clemens:

When reports began circulating earlier this week that actress Mackenzie Phillips was going to drop a bombshell on Wednesday’s “Oprah,” I’m sure no one imagined it would be that she was first raped, then ended up in a consensual sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips.

The concept has been a hard one to get my head around, and what has made it even more difficult to process is that I can’t seem to engage anyone in a conversation about it. Everyone I’ve brought the subject up to makes a horrified face, responds something to the effect of “It’s just so disgusting,” and then changes the subject.

While I’m thankful that some taboos still exist in this ever-so-permissive society we live in, we have to be able to discuss such things without fear.

I guess what Mackenzie Phillips claims happened to her is so far from the reality that most of us know, we just don’t know what to say. Simply imagining ourselves in a similar situation is nauseating.

I have a hard time agreeing with those who claim this is a publicity stunt. Why would anyone claim consensual incest as a way to make money and get attention?

Look, we all have secrets — things we think would make us unlovable, even unlikeable, if others knew. Some of us feel unlovable anyway, even without spilling our secrets.

But in being honest about who we are and what we’ve done in our lives, who open ourselves up to connect with others we share similarities with.

As Mackenzie Phillips said during her interview with Oprah, “I can’t be the only one this has happened to. Someone needs to put a face on not only non-consensual incest, but consensual incest, and I know that I can’t be the only one who’s lived through this. So in finding this redemption, maybe I’m helping someone else.”

I hope she does find redemption. I hope we all do. But to get there, we first have to be honest — with ourselves and those around us.

Christmas Eve is just three months away.

Yikes.

That means just three months to save up and do all the shopping for my four kids, husband, extended family and friends. It’s about this time of year that I start wondering if there might be a better way to celebrate the holidays. Something other than over spending and over giving.

Part of me loves the tradition of giving and I can’t say I don’t like the getting part, but I often feel it’s gotten out of hand. I know there are other options out there.

Over the years I’ve heard stories of how other people put a cinch on the materialism without being a Grinch. Rules like only home made gifts, setting dollar limits and drawing names are a few ideas.

If you have an unique way to celebrate the holidays without breaking the bank, we would love to hear about it.

Please write up what your family does and e-mail it to me at bstein@patuxent.com. We may use your idea in a future story.

Today’s blog is by my co-editor, Cheryl Clemens:

I recently read about an upcoming project where dozens of Buddhists, including married and engaged couples, plan to live in the Arizona desert in complete silence for three years, three months and three days.

The goal is to find enlightenment within the silence.

Sounds interesting, but could you go three years without speaking to your spouse? And did I mention there is no physical intimacy either (physical pleasure would lessen their prana, or inner energy, and distract them from their ultimate goal).

There’s a funny account at Momlogic.com about a writer who tried one evening without speaking to her husband. I don’t know if I could make it that long. I’ve had severe laryngitis and I’ve still continued to talk to my husband.

Enlightenment sounds great, but I guess I’m just not there. I want to argue over football and debate what to eat for dinner and tell him over and over what an awesome man he is.

Maybe someday, silence would be preferable. But for right now, I’m too loud and in love.

Could you do it?

I was at the grocery store yesterday. They are doing a big remodeling. What this means is that nothing is where it used to be.
I hate this. I’m anal about my grocery shopping. I go once a week and try to get everything I need in an hour or less. I write my list in order of how things are organized at the store so I won’t forget anything and so I can get out of there fast. But that didn’t work yesterday.
There were lots of employees on hand to help you find stuff, but unfortunately — they couldn’t find the stuff either. One employee and I looked for a box of macaroni and cheese for 10 minutes. She referred to an updated list of where everything was but apparently, it wasn’t updated enough.
The store is right next to a huge retirement facility and there were a number of senior citizens walking around completely at a loss. They kept calling out to me, and anyone who would listen, that they couldn’t find anything. I just had to laugh and agree. But I wasn’t laughing an hour and a half later when I finally got out of the store.
I get that they are remodeling — so there’s going to be some shuffling of stuff around the store. But that doesn’t mean they have to move the bread from aisle 5 to aisle 12. That has nothing to do with making the place look nicer. It’s more a ploy to get the customer to wander up and down every aisle where, low and behold, they happen to find several other things to buy that they might not have purchased if the bread had still been in aisle 5.

Now that my kids have homework, I am getting really smart.

I know all sorts of things that I had totally forgotten or never learned in the first place.

It’s amazing the bits of information I have in my head now.

Just a few examples include: all of my times tables up through 12, the phases of the moon, what an anemometer is, the finger trick to easily figure out the nines tables, that Christopher Columbus was trying to get to Asia when he stumbled upon America and why the Yellow River is yellow.

There’s plenty more, and I’m sure plenty more to come. I never realized that when I had kids, I was signing on to homework all over again.

Hopefully, by the time high school rolls around, they won’t need me to be quite so involved. I’m really not interested in relearning calculus, chemistry and how to do a foot note.

My girls have been begging for a dog for years.

Pleeeeeeeeeease? they moan, their brow furrowed as if they were in physical pain without a dog in the house.

And it’s not that I don’t like dogs. I grew up with a poodle mutt named Niki and I adored her. But I have three kids, a husband who is not too interested in pets and a full-time job. (We also have a fish named Nemo and a guinea pig named Dolly.) Adding one more living creature to oversee (particularly one that has to go outside to pee on rainy and snowy days) is just more than I can bear.

The girls swear they’ll do everything to take care of the dog. They don’t know that I said the exact same thing to my parents. I got my dog, and soon dreaded getting up early to walk her and cleaning up after her. My mom had to nag me all the time to do what I swore — I begged — I would do on my own. I loved Niki but had no clue how much work taking care of another creature was.

Now I’ve gone and done something that could be incredibly smart or incredibly stupid. I’ve arranged to watch a co-worker’s dogs on Sunday at my house (that’s Rocky and Walter in the photo). I told the girls we would have them for a few hours so the girls could see what it’s like to walk and play and clean up after dogs.

Any words of advice?

A friend of mine posted a video on Facebook yesterday that warmed my heart. It must be hard to have a child with special needs, but the video shows that the rewards can be abundant. This truly focuses on ability, not disability. Take a look by clicking here. It’s from CBS News in Rochester, NY.