Nisu Patel, second on the left blends into the Ferguson family's lively dinnertime.

It’s just after 6 on a Sunday evening and the 10 members of the Ferguson family gather around the dinner table. They hold hands as dad says a prayer.

The table is loaded and there’s something for everyone: salad for grandma; a variety of dressings to suit the tastes of Steven, 8, Eleanor, 9, and Tina, 12; and the promise of an after-dinner peach Popsicle for 6-year-old Madeline. There is pasta and a skillet with meat sauce. But there’s also a smaller saucepan of plain tomato sauce — that’s for Nisu, the family’s sixth child for the time being.

During his stay last year, Nisu Patel, from India and a vegetarian, added to what Dave Ferguson calls the “pleasant chaos” that is his home in Catonsville. The 16-year-old stayed 10 months with the family through AFS Intercultural Programs.

Like scores of other families, the Fergusons decided to open their home to an exchange student. The gesture is a big one — as it requires stretching the comfort zone way beyond the politeness of a weekend visit, making adjustments and taking on additional parental responsibilities.

But there are benefits as well. Despite the downturn in the economy, families like the Fergusons have made room for one more. Students like Patel get to polish their English and brave a new culture, while the host families expand their own cultural horizons and often form lifelong friendships. There’s a lot of learning to go around.

At the Fergusons’ Sunday dinner, the meatless sauce was just one small way the family accommodated Patel. But in many other ways, Patel was just like Dave and Shirley’s other five children. His name was on the chore schedule, and he had to earn tokens if he wanted time on the computer or to watch TV.

“It’s a big investment of emotion,” Dave said of being a host family. “This has gone as well as I thought it could have gone. It’s not a huge thing, but it’s a big thing, to know that our family can flex for this year and be able to make Patel comfortable. As a family, I feel it’s a big success that way.”

Nisu, who said he hoped to eventually settle in the United States permanently, added: “I was used to living in a small family in India, but I got a big family here.”

Some families, like the Fergusons, hope playing host will be a positive learning experience for their own children, while other families like the Adams, of Ellicott City, feel the arrangement simply fit their lifestyle and helped satisfy their desire to experience the globe.

For Laura Adam, whose family hosted 17-year-old Paul Zink, from Germany, the experience reminded her of her stint as an au pair in Austria when she was 21.

Hosting Zink brought a bit of international flavor to their Ellicott City home, and also prompted the family to take advantage of regional attractions like the Liberty Bell, Williamsburg and the White House — all in the name of being a good host family.

While the Adam children, Marcus, 8, and Andreas, 14, had to adjust to a new brother, Laura and her husband, Michael, got a preview of what it’s like to have a child in high school. Curious girls from the neighborhood came knocking the very day Zink arrived, and he frequently received phone calls from girls Andreas labeled as “lovesick.”

Andreas, who hopes to become an exchange student himself, took mental notes from Zink’s experience in hopes he’ll be better prepared.

Some of the cultural hurdles the Adam family and Zink encountered revolved around — what else? — food.
Big American breakfasts confused Paul, who is accustomed to a cold-cut sandwich most mornings.

Additionally, after the household’s allotment of snacks disappeared in record time one day, Laura had to explain to Zink that the groceries had to last a week, rather than the smaller, daily shopping runs Paul’s mother maked at home.

The Adam family also hoped to introduce Zink to Maryland crabs, although their attempts to do so with previous exchange students didn’t go over well.

“They said, ‘Those are insects. We’re not eating them,’” Laura recalled with a laugh.

Gene Schwandtner, whose Kingsville family hosted 17-year-old Miriam Spahl, of Germany, also is no newbie to hosting exchange students. The Schwandtners have been hosting students for years, although most were brief summer visits.

The Schwandtners are pleased with how hosting students has benefited their son, Chris, 17. Over the past few years, Chris has reconnected with some of the exchange students on their turf, in France and Spain.

Schwandtner recommended that prospective host families do their homework on the program with which they plan to work to be sure it’s an active, supportive one. Gene said he was happy with the program they worked with, ASSE, but has seen other families scared away from hosting after a poor summer experience with a different organization that didn’t coordinate any excursions for the students — passing the entire entertainment burden on to the host families.

Host families typically do not receive compensation, although exchange programs are not intended to be a financial drain on the hosts, according to Cindy Clemens, a volunteer with the AFS Baltimore area. Hosts are expected to provide free room and board to the student, while the student’s natural family is expected to provide the student with spending money and clothing, she added.

Prices vary by program and depend on the length of stay, although the natural families of AFS exchange students typically pay about $11,000 to cover airfare, insurance and administrative costs for a school year program, according to Clemens.

After about seven months of their 10-month-stay, Patel, Spahl and Zink said they were well-adjusted and happy.

Patel, who was enrolled at Catonsville High School, said he decided to become an exchange student in order to have an extended stay in the U.S., which he described as “the most popular country in India.”

Zink, who attended Centennial High School, said he liked the friendly, social atmosphere of American high schools, while Spahl, who was at Perry Hall High School, said she enjoyed the greater flexibility in choosing courses.
Another motivation for each of the students, they said, was to strengthen their English proficiency.

Clemens recommends host parents treat an exchange student much like they would a same-age child.

“They should be given parenting guidance, assigned chores and expected to be part of important family events,” she said. “There are bound to be ups and downs as with any relationship, but they should truly come to be part of your family, which often means the relationship lasts way beyond the 11 months of the exchange year.”

Clemens also recommends that host families keep their expectations general and not to assume that your own children will become immediate best buddies with the exchange student.

There’s a give and take to it all — one of the reasons the Fergusons decided to become a host family.

Patel helped Tina, 12, complete a project on India and hoped to impart his love of cricket to Duncan, 13. He learned to play guitar from grandpa, Tom DuBois, and has a new found affinity for root beer.
Most importantly, according to Dave Ferguson: Be yourself.

“Don’t be afraid. They came here to experience U.S. culture,” he said. “Dive in right away and make him feel like part of the family.”

FYI
For information about ASSE, which began in 1976 as the American Scandinavian Student Exchange but has since expanded to 31 countries, go to www.asse.com. The site includes a section devoted to information about becoming a host family. Inquiries also may be sent to ASSE’s Eastern Office at asseusaeast@asse.com or call 1-800-677-2773.For information about AFS, go to www.afs.org. The site includes a FAQ section regarding host families. Families also may contact the Baltimore area coordinator, Cindy Clemens, at 410-730-7411, or e-mail cindy.clemens@verizon.net.