My guest blogger today is my co-editor, Cheryl Clemens:

I’ve spent the better part of this week in bed dealing with a debilitating case of vertigo. It started in the middle of the night Monday when I tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and landed flat on my face. I’ve dealt with vertigo on and off for eight years, but usually it’s not this severe.

Now, spending the past days in bed has made me aware of a few things that have consistently bothered me in the past. So, in preparation for the next time I am sick, here is Mom’s List of What To Do and What Not To Do While She is in Bed.

Use common sense before you ask me anything. If I am horizontal, chances are the answer to whatever you are going to ask me is going to be “no.” No, I can’t drive you to the mall. No, I can’t braid your hair. No, I don’t remember where the Play-Dough is and no, I can’t look for it right now.

Do not come to me to mediate any arguments. I don’t want to hear any yelling, crying or chasing while I’m stuck in bed. Come to me and everyone ends up in their rooms until further notice.

Please stay on top of the kitchen mess while I’m trapped upstairs. Nothing deflates my hey-I’m-finally-feeling-better mood faster than coming downstairs for the first time in days and seeing a disaster in the kitchen. If I come down and see a mess, one of two things will happen: I’ll get angry and you all will pay the price or I will march right back upstairs, get back in bed and wait. Either way, you’re going to have to clean up your mess so you might as well do it in the first place.

And finally, do not ask me what’s for dinner. In case of emergency, there’s always pasta and tomato sauce in the pantry; soup, salad and sandwiches; or takeout pizza.

OK, readers — did I forget anything? Please feel free to add to my list before I post a final copy on the fridge.