My guest blogger today is my co-editor, Cheryl Clemens:
Later this year will be the 20th anniversary of the day my father decided he didn’t want to be married to my mother anymore.
“I have to do what’s best for me,” he told me on more than one occasion.
So you’ll understand why it really hit home for me while watching the Gosselin marriage implode last night on national TV when Jon Gosselin said, “I have to do what’s best for me.”
I was an adult and married when my parents divorced, and it was still traumatic for my sister and me. I cannot image being 5 years old and living through such an ordeal.
After watching last night’s episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight, it made me even angrier when I considered the fact that they came to this decision because Jon wants to escape and Kate is tired of fighting and “needs peace.” Kate claims Jon is mad but won’t talk to her about what’s bothering him. Jon says he’s spent years “letting Kate rule the roost” and he went along with it. “Now I’ve finally stood up and I’m proud of myself,” he explained.
Look, I’m no Dr. Phil fan, but as he has said in the past, divorce is a right you earn after a lot of hard work.
Divorce is not something you undertake when you believe staying together is no longer what’s “best” for you. Divorce is what you do after you’ve talked and talked and talked about what’s going wrong in your relationship. Divorce is what you do after you seek professional help and it still does not make the situation better. Divorce is the last resort when you have exhausted every other avenue available to you to rescue your marriage and the relationship you are raising your children in and nothing has helped.
And before anyone asks, no, these conversations and any counseling should not be part of their televisions series.
Kate said she hates that they failed. To me, divorce is not a failure. A husband and wife only fail each other when they do not try everything to preserve their commitment.
I totally agree, Cheryl. When we were watching, we couldn’t believe that counseling never came up as something they had tried. They could have said they tried it without revealing anything, and I think it would have put viewers on their side a lot more.
This is so well said, Cheryl. Best analysis I’ve read on the subject.
I’ve had so many conversations on this subject today and there seems to be one unanimous feeling among the women I’ve spoken to: Every family needs a leader. If Jon is sick of Kate “ruling the roost,” then he needs to step up, take the reins and start the process of reshaping his relationship and family. Not run away. And Kate needs to love and trust her husband enough to let him do this (and support him when not everything works out the way she would have liked it to).
I think this might have happened sooner had they not been on TV. I’ve only watched the show on occasion. Perhaps that’s why I noticed the changes in both Jon and Kate. She has become more attractive, more fit, more “take charge” and more successful (her books) with each season. Jon has become chubby, expressionless, his humor has been totally absent for some time.
What father of 8 small children must have his first custom motorcycle – or go to bars and hang out with college girls. It seems the more successful Kate became with her books, the more he distanced himself.
Counseling sounds like a good idea – but the time it was needed was many months ago. I will say, though, that adult children often take divorce harder than young children do (as long as both parents remain involved). A house full of tension is not good for children and I think that’s what they’ve had for a while.
I feel sorry for both of them and hate some of the nasty comments being made on some blogs. I have a feeling Kate will be carrying most of the weight of child care no matter what is being planned. Think Jon wants to be a kid again as he keeps saying “I’m only 32″. Kate has made a career for herself – what has he done since being fired?
From what little I have seen of this show, it seemed to me that Kate ruled everything and John was left belittled and humiliated by her. It seems like she was in it for herself (and perhaps the kids) and John was just there to complete the package. They seemed to be co-stars more than husband/wife.
That being said, this whole travesty should never be on TV. It’s exploitation and those kids are being set up for a world of issues down the road. This situation is no different than the “OctoMom” (another train wreck waiting to happen).
Thanks for weighing in with a male perspective and you’re right — it seems unlikely that all eight will escape unscathed from the drama.