It started with what we naively thought of as “anger issues” with our oldest son.

But when Adam was still throwing major tantrums at 6, we decided to talk to a counselor about his behavior. Though it was helpful for me, it didn’t help him much so we stopped. A year later, he started having trouble at school, so we took him to a psychiatrist to be evaluated. Unfortunately, the results weren’t cut and dry. It was most likely anxiety and maybe a touch of ADHD, but there didn’t seem to be a clear path as to how to treat him or even if to treat him. Eventually we decided to try something for anxiety and we found a therapist for him. That helped, for awhile.

Then this fall things got worse. We tried a new medication — again for anxiety — but it wasn’t right for him and it sent him over the edge. I got calls from school. He refused to work. He hit his friends. He tried to run away from home. He was out of control. He knew it, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want to go to school because he was afraid of what he would do. He felt terrible and terribly guilty.

I had no idea how to handle it. I did the best I could, and we muddled through until that medicine was out of his system and another temporary one began to take effect.

When things started to get better, it was apparent our family was shell shocked. I’d had no idea how it would effect his siblings. My husband and I were putting all of our energy into Adam and that left very little for our other three kids.

Maggie, 9, was angry and jealous and told me in so many words one night. Lilly, Adam’s twin, was sad and stressed and exhausted. She would do anything to try to make things go smoothly, and it was wearing on her. One night in bed, she tearfully told me, “I don’t think he’s getting any better. Nothing is helping.” And Jonah, our 4-year-old, was an angel. He stopped throwing tantrums for two weeks and would do whatever I asked. But then he developed what we now know is a tic. He started squinching his eyes, we think from the stress from that rough patch.

Here’s a story about ways to support siblings of children with special needs. It wasn’t until I was reading that story that I realized I was one of the parents the story was written for. My child may not have autism or Down syndrome, but he does have needs that are out of the ordinary. We can’t afford to be in denial about how his needs impact our other children. We need to heap them with love and patience as we struggle to figure out how to address the needs of our special child.