Entering the home of Brenda Frese and Mark Thomas in the Stone Lake subdivision in North Laurel, it’s not immediately apparent that children live here, except for two infant car seats parked by the dining room table.
Once in the family room, however, it’s a different story. This is clearly twins central. Two comfortable couches share the space with matching bouncy seats, play mats, a portable playpen, changing table, stacks of toys and multiple plastic storage units packed with diapers, clothes and essential supplies.
Most know Frese as head coach of the 2006 NCAA Champion University of Maryland women’s basketball team. But since giving birth to twins Markus and Tyler last February, at home in her family room is where all the real action takes place.
And don’t even think of heaping praise on Frese for being a super mom, because she’ll quickly point out that sometimes what a super mom needs most is a super dad. Such is the case in the high-energy household of Frese and Thomas, where juggling the birth of twin boys and the demanding career of a college basketball coach has called for flexibility and non-traditional accommodations.
Just six days after Frese gave birth, she was back on the job. Her husband, an independent television producer and reporter, put his career on hold to stay home with the boys.
“He’s the unsung hero in all this,” says Frese.
Because the demands of coaching a highly ranked college team are so great, Frese and Thomas knew well in advance she would not be able to scale back much at work. Asked if she has more flexibility in the off season, she replies matter-of-factly, “In this job, there is no off season.”
So it goes, with Frese putting in 60-plus-hour weeks and Thomas caring for the boys with the help of Mercy Abankwa, the couple’s part-time nanny.
“It was not part of the (original) script of my life,” says Thomas. “But it’s fantastic being such a direct part of their lives.”
Frese, 38, comes home as soon as possible each evening to spend time with the twins, even though she faces hours of work once the boys go to bed.
“That’s the hardest thing — trying to balance your time,” she admits. “There’s this constant tug and pull. I want to spend time with the boys, but at the same time, I’m thinking about the three or four hours of work I still have to do.”
It’s a demanding schedule, but one she would not trade.
“I love it. I love having the boys,” she says. “But I never thought about giving up coaching. I definitely love my job. I think you can do it all. I mean, why not? I have a lot of support. I have a team at work and a team at home.”
Twins take center court
One recent evening, as Abankwa bustled in and out of the room, Frese sat on the floor with Tyler while Thomas paced around carrying Markus. The boys, fraternal twins, have distinctly different personalities — Tyler, “the loud one,” smiles all the time and has no fear, while Markus, seemingly more serious, maintains a slightly skeptical look as he takes it all in.
“He may not smile as much,” offers Frese. “But when he does, he gives a million-dollar smile.”
Frese and Thomas met in 2004 while he was producing a local television show about the Lady Terrapins called “Under the Shell.” They married the following year at a low-key affair in Clearwater, Fla.
After several failed attempts at fertility treatments, they weren’t sure parenthood was in their future. But then came the news in July 2007 that they had hoped for — Frese was pregnant with twins and, it turns out, due during basketball season. Yikes.
When she decided to share the news with her team, she sat the players down and explained she had verbal commitments from two new members. Her team sat silent, not knowing what to say. Then Frese produced ultrasound photos of the boys, and they erupted into cheers, high-fiving each other and hugging their coach.
“They were so excited,” Frese recalls of the moment. “(And now) they have just loved having the boys around. As they get older, it will be like they have these 15 older sisters.”
Thomas often brings the boys to the Comcast Center, in College Park, during practices, so Frese can see them during the day and her players get a chance to know them better. The boys will attend early games played at home, but the couple doesn’t want them on the road with Frese until they are older.
Kristi Toliver, a senior guard and team co-captain, says Frese didn’t miss a beat after having the twins. “I see her fiery side is back — She knows how to come at each player and get the best out of them.”
Marissa Coleman, a senior guard/forward and co-captain, agrees. “She is the ultimate players’ coach. She pushes us to work hard, but she makes sure we have a lot of fun.”
Athletics Director Deborah Yow says she did not expect Frese to lose momentum because of the pregnancy, and she hasn’t been disappointed.
“She has lots of support from her husband and in-laws. And she will always be Brenda — whether she has two children or six. She is a competitor,” says Yow.
Born to coach (and parent)
Frese was born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, one of six children. Her parents and siblings still live there. As a teen, she played basketball and volleyball at Washington High School. She even coached the basketball team of her younger sister.
Most people know Frese as a talented and successful coach. What they don’t know is her own basketball career was plagued by multiple foot surgeries while at the University of Arizona, costing her the last year and a half of college play and ending her hopes of playing professionally.
“It was very unrealistic, considering there wasn’t even a WNBA, but that was the plan,” she says. Her injuries pushed her into coaching sooner than she had expected, ultimately putting her on the path that brought her to College Park in 2002, a national championship in 2006 and four consecutive NCAA tournament berths.
Her experiences during college changed her in many ways, she says, most significantly helping her develop a keen sense of empathy for players facing injuries, setbacks and other challenges. “I think it made me a better coach,” she says.
She sees her role as teacher, mentor and “surrogate mother,” guiding players through their college years. Winning is important, of course. Coaches don’t keep their jobs long if they don’t win, she says. But she tries not to lose perspective that her influence can go much farther than the basketball court.
“I don’t have a lot of team rules. I try to empower them,” she says. “I ask my players what they think. They have a voice.
“Of course, if they go berserk, we reel them back in,” she adds. “I want to keep reinforcing that they make good decisions.”
Her approach to parenting, she suspects, will be the same.